if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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