well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
