battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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