So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
