Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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