ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
