Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
