your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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