I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
