she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
