if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
zippers are such a cool invention
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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