yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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