the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
