How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
