found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
