i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
