hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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