I wish my penis had an off switch
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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