so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
