I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
