When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
