This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
