when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
