Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
