So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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