i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
