We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
