STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
