He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
