I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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