Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
