there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
