I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
