no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
