Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
