I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
