I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
