ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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