There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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