I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
