I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
