Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
