he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
