Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
