I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
