And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
