Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
