the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
