next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
