Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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