I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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